Looking back, those moments don't change. They're still very much real. But my life now is nowhere what it was then, despite their realities. Now, I find myself wishing another bolt would come and strike again. Maybe I need to stand outside during the storm and hold up my umbrella. I already feel the rain soaking through. Even when change happens, and it paralyzes you with pain that starts emotionally but consumes your physicality...you wish it would keep going. I have to keep going.
28 years.
Even if I learned one significant lesson each year to hold 28 lessons in my hands, you would think that would make me somewhat wise. 28 major life lessons isn't anything to scoff at. I'm pretty sure I was faced with more than one a year...so what I should know and believe should be pretty well on its way to being concrete. Experience creates wisdom, right? Maybe?
Right now isn't one of those times. Questioning everything I've learned. Everything. Does that count as faith? Or a doubter's anthem.
Solomon felt like a child when God gave him his Father's throne. Looks like I'm not the only one who feels like a kid trapped in an adult world.
I want wisdom.
Happy birthday to me.
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