Because I should be working...

It happens. You wake up and BAM. "Where am I?" Those few moments between sleep and awake can be quite alarming. I've been living there for a few weeks now. Haha. But it's getting better, I swear.
This place that I'm at, this new life I've chosen, is definitely different from anything I could have ever imagined. But I love it. I honest-to-God do. Because it's different. And I'm a creature of much habit who becomes too complacent with being content in my scene of normalcy. That can get a little dangerous.
So things are shaking up a bit.
Have you ever been sitting on a couch and just realize that your life could seem so meaningless? I'm really hoping you're saying "yes" so I'm not the only one. I've been struggling a little with this lately. Mostly because emotions are awesome. And guilt and fear is something that can consume your entire being. But there's a power bigger than emotion, and I'm learing to grab onto it again. I can't deny that I'm right where I'm supposed to. I just kind of wish I could get a little further ahead just a wee bit faster. Oh, the desires of the flesh. How wonderful. Haha.
And that's me. This is where I've been. And these are a few things I'm looking forward to:
Fall. Fall fall fall. Everything that comes with it. And spending it with my amazing husband in our too-big but kick-butt house.
Getting back into my regular exercise schedule. It MUST happen.
Finding out what's really living inside Megan's wall. I think it's a trapped house elf.
Renewing my drivers license and being able to get the little heart put on it for organ donor.
Getting closer with my family. Who ever thought that would happen?!Learning. I thought I already knew everything. Boy, was I wrong.
Stars Hollow.
Wearing sweaters and sweatshirts. Nothing beats comfy clothes.
Bringing out my "warmer" parfumes for the cooler seasons.
Getting a new microwave.
Pumpkin-flavored anything and everything.
New music from Paramore, Muse, and 3DG. Heck. Yes.
Letting go. And letting God.

Ah thank you.
Grace be with you.

Well Wisher

You're breaking bones
Yeah, your heart of stone
Is as cold as they get
You're destroying paths
No, this can't last
Don't you have enough regrets?

Liar, look up from the Well
Cause reflections won't tell you
How lost is your Soul
Love, I hope you can swim
Cause you've got to jump in
And let the Water save your Soul

Don't wait too long to turn around
It's amazing how much Grace can be found
When you've fallen deeper than ever before
My love is waiting, I'll give you Breath
It's the only chance of escaping this Death
Don't you know your life is worth so much more?

Liar, look up from the Well
Cause reflections can't tell you
Where along the road you lost your Soul
Love, I know you can swim
Together we'll jump in
And let the Water save our Souls

You Who Thirst

So here are my latest thoughts, complaints, and ponderings.

Why, oh why, when I decide to get some sunshine during my exercise expeditions, do I always have to pass by someone who is exhaling cigarette smoke right as I'm taking in a deep breath? It never fails. Here I am, trying to extend and improve my quality of life while someone else, who is mostly like not caring about their own let alone someone elses, blows stupid toxins into my lungs. WHY?! Enough. Smoking = not good for you in any way. I said Good Day!

I have done many-a-embarassing things in my life. Nay, not embarassing, but stupid. Downright stupid. Saturday night topped the list. Haha I can't even stop laughing just thinking about it. But because I'm a great friend and entertainer, I will enlighten you.

I was supposed to be filling my car with gas. Well, I did in fact do that quite successfully. What I failed to do was take out the gas hose before I pulled away. In case you were wondering, the gas hoses are brilliantly designed to pop right off if the right amount of torque is presented. And that it did. Well, notsomuch popped as ripped and made a horrible noise. But it dragged behind my car for maybe 3 seconds before I realized what faux pas I made, where I then quickly got out and ran into the little booth where a girl my age was behind the counter. I think I said something like, "Um I just pulled away with your hose in my car, and I wasn't trying to steal gas. I already paid for it." What the heck?! I. Am. Amazing. You're welcome for being my friend.

I will continue to complain about rowdy, noisy cats until they are all gone from our property. I'm sorry if you're a cat lover and this offends or annoys you. To make it up to ya, when Megan catches a cat (and let there be no doubt that she wil) I will put it in your bedroom for you to be able to understand what it's like to be in my shoes. Mmmkay?

I think Megan's as much of a Cat-Baggin fool as I'll ever be Hahaha!

AZ in less than 17 days, Paramore and No Doubt in less than 2 months, wedding in less than 3. What a life!

Hmmm I think that's it...? For now, if you're lucky.

God bless and Harry Potter for the rest.

A Proverb for the Ages

Blessing arises in clever disguises
And presents Lessons in plenty abound
But when Wiswdom calls, and on deaf ears fall
May Sympathy for those poor fools be found

What's Left

My hands support my head
But what sustains my heart?
I'm beyond such broken pieces
My whole body's been torn apart

In my sleep, I find no rest
My mind, it wanders and trespasses
But still the only desire I ever find
Is to turn this off and shut my eyes

Tell me that I've done nothing wrong
Or is it that I always do too much?
I can't make my heart be strong
When I've convinced myself this can't change

Emotions are taking over
Logic fades away
It's restlessly familiar
Convince me this won't change

This consuming ache that demands all my attention
That calls me a fool and encourages all my resentment
Will be gone soon enough but for now I can only try
To use these tears to fight the raging fire inside

Another unfinished project

Wow, way too much time has gone by. How boring of a blogger am I?! Yet, you still follow, and I thank you. All three of you. Muaha.
I've been writing and rhyming a lot in these past few weeks. In my journal, of course. But I came up with this one last night, and I would love some input. It definitely takes form of a song in my head, and hopefully Megan will allow me to steal some of her talent juice to add melody to these words. Ooh, Talent Juice for a band name. No? ;)

Wrapped up in all this guilt
It's hard to tell truth from lies
Convictions plus emotions can
create a convincing disguise

I can't help but build defenses
With your words attacking at night
In my dreams the battles begin
Awakened, I'm too weak for the fight

You can trip me and make me fall
But I'll be steady on this ground
Looking up, I hear the Call
"With pain, your strength is found"

I will stand and I will rise
I will bleed and I may cry
But I won't stop this fight
I can never stop this fight