Revisit

Learning who I am and becoming comfortable (not in the sense of "feeling comfortable") with my decisions has been a heavy burden to carry. Along the way I've had all of the human highs and lows possible. Empathy to apathy. I've been stuck for the past few months. Although in my mind, I'm conscious of my life, my spirit has felt trapped. I haven't fed it with anything other than emotions. And even if some of those feelings were happy and thankful, they weren't genuine enough. And I became reliant upon others to make me feel valued, to determine my happiness. Time to break the habit.
I took tonight to reflect. Not just on myself. But who I was. And definitely who I want to be. I started with going on a walk and listening to music that could invoke thought, pure thought and questions that require answers. There's no way in hell I'll find them in one afternoon. So I came to the Service Station to read the Bible to start fresh and search for a good place to find these answers.
I can't even begin to describe to you all of the events that have come into my life within the past two years. Some resulted from my choices. Others, life events. Reading in Romans, I come along instruction that directly relate to past failures. Past choices that changed my life and brought me to this exact point in time. It hurts, the humiliation that I was so selfish. And if I wanted to, I could easily become overwhelmed with guilt and self-destruction.
So I kept going.
I found grace. And hope. And faith. And even though I don't completely understand how it all ties together, I know where my foundation lies. I don't believe in the condemnation that some preach against those who don't share the same views. Why should I focus on why someone is so wrong that they should spend an eternity in hell? I'm tired of the scare tactics that encourage us to live a righteous life.
I want Love. True Love. God's Love. The issue becomes now of not accepting this mere thought, but continuing to practice and study and learn. I'm great at repeating thoughts and learned truths. But practicing it it another.
This is a small step that has a huge impact. And I'm going to keep moving towards this direction.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love, Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God' people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
Romans 12:9-13

No exceptions. Even those who disagree with me..