Broken hearts & brand new starts

Oi.
Let's just say it's one of those days. I guess the good news is, it seems to be that way for mostly everyone.
Or maybe that's a little selfish.
Either way, I'm okay with it.
So my question for the day (out of many) is this: Why do people care about somebody else's business?
Actually, that's not worded exactly the way I want. It's not so much about being down with OPP (yeah you know me!) but rather how people react.
Here's the most recent reaction that's got me struggling tough.
I know I have people in my life that care about me and I am VERY thankful for them. Very. I value their opinions and respect them. Well, try to.
But the thing I struggle the most with is when they feel I'm doing something wrong, or even something they don't agree with, they express concern with anger. Downright hatefulness sometimes. I've experienced this most recently as today. And let me ask you, lonely reader: "What the frack?"
Do you think it's really going to help me re-evaluate my choice/decision/opinion? Really?
Chances are, not a chance.
I'm much more open to looking more deeply at myself if someone approaches me with actual concern. Making me feel stupid or completely wrong is hurtful and if anything makes me want nothing to do with you.
Apparently, other people feel the same way I do. I see it in my friendships. I see it at work. I see it on stupid reality tv shows. It baffles me.
So let's stop the anger. Deal? Sure, go ahead and get mad that gas prices are going up along with insurances. Get frustrated that every major arterial is under construction. But getting angry with someone for their belief is counter-productive.
So there's my rant.
Let love win.
And bring me some chocolate milk. Please.

Cheers.

hear it learn it live it

Time to be selfish. I think this is partly because of the 3 seasons of Entourage I've watched in 2 days. Here's my list anyway.
1. A Maserati given to me to drive around and be seen in for one year.
2. Another tattoo, although I'm still not sure what yet. Alas, my new permanent ink shall wait.
3. My white Fossil to be fixed. The only one to blame for this is me.
4. My last name back.
5. My old waistline back.
6. A lifetime supply of diet ginger ale.
7. A Macbook Pro. I have no need for one, however, so I will stick with my PC until it starts smoking. Bad habit.
8. To stop feeling guilty for how I acted the past year of my life. Not classy. Nor loving.
9. To go to Hogwarts. Movie set, Universal Studios, or the one yet to be built in England. I want to go to there.
10. A fulltime job.

Ten seems like a good number for now. You can contact me for shipping information.
Cheers.

K

In The Dark

Flyleaf. Maybe screaming isn't your thing. But these lyrics are mine right now.

I've written songs in the dark
I've felt inspired in the dark
I hide myself in the dark
Used to be afraid of the dark
Those in the light know we die in the dark

There's only artificial light here
My flaws hide well here
I used to be afraid of cluttered noises
Now I'm afraid of silence

Fill this space, idle words
I'm scared to death of light and silence
Jesus, kill me inside this
Raise me up to live again
Like you did, like you did

Now I am mute, despite myself
All of them are gone
The silence overtakes me
The idle words forsake me
And I am left to face me
I'm held accountable
For every idle word
Curse the idle words



I'm scared to death of light and silence
Jesus, kill me inside this
Raise me up to live again
Like you did, like you did
Glory shows up
Exposes us
I'm naked here
Forsaken here, by the dark, by the dark
Damn the dark

I'm scared to death of light and silence
Jesus, kill me inside this
Raise me up to live again
Like you did, like you did

Time alone.

Well, not really alone. I do have a puppy here with me (while the Hawaiian is interviewin a little south of here)...who just decided she would silently pass gas whilst sleeping. I'm not very fond of her at the mo'. Good thing she's so stinkin' cute!
So mostly, I'm blogging for blogging's sake. I don't have a lot to update. This summer has only been her for a couple of months, yet it seems like it's been over half a year. Strange, especially since the weather just started warming up somewhat. I do enjoy the longer daylight, though. It makes me feel more productive. Well, as productive as one can be sitting on the couch and catching up on Dexter or SVU whenever Leila's asleep.
I really do enjoy raising a dog. Sure, she's bitten my face one too many times. But she's a baby. And she reacts pretty well to a sharp pop on the nose thus far. She's definitely growing as well. Over 20 pounds and less than three months. That blows me away. But I think I'm ready for her full-size. I like big dogs. Cleaning up after them? ehhh notsomuch. But we'll deal.
So if you want to burn off some energy and maybe get your toes nibbled on and have nothin better to do, come on over.

Forgotten

Frustration orchestrated Beauty.
Heartbroken stanzas of uncertainty,
replaced peaceful flow with endless sorrow.
Come back to me, my Masterpiece.

Flow with the ease you once found.
Restore my heart to normal sinus sound.
Finish my song with soothing melody around.
Come back to me, my Masterpiece.

"The heart never takes the place of the head: but it can, and should, obey it." ~C.S. Lewis

Heart. Head. Head Heart. Where does the logic come from?  What enforces it?
For the past few months, I've seen (and been involved in) a lot of emotional battles ranging from topics of work, relationships, money, politics, food, body image, jealousy, age, blahblahblah.
What's up with that.
Isn't it ironic how someone can become so overwhelmed with emotion that the typical result is numbness? I guess, for a poor analogy, it could be considered to be a drug. Too much and you might od. Just the right balance and you feel warm and fuzzy for several hours. Addicting.
Then the aching comes. They both have it; heartache, headache.
You can take a low dose off NSAIDS to help rid the pain in your head, but what do you do for your heart? What takes that pain away?
Not sleep. Not starving yourself. Not drinking. Or physically hurting yourself. Those are bandaids.
People have to look up at some point-in-time, right?
But why not look right beside you. And re-evaluate why you're there in the first place. I always appreciate those friends that tell me what I need to hear, even if I don't want to hear it. *note-said information should be told in a loving manner for those of us who are sensitive (and like it that way...thanks, Jewel).

So what more is there to say about this human struggle? I know, how about ask CS Lewis again?

"But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

Word.
Now I just have to take out my earplugs.

Short.

I'm angry.
Who can I punch?